The Art of Active Listening Requires Leaving Your Ego Behind Remember to be fully present. Active listening helps people feel respected and valued.
By Aytekin Tank Edited by Jessica Thomas
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
You've probably become overly familiar with the term "active listening" by now. I know this because as an entrepreneur I'm on top of the latest business trends, and it's a trait always popping up in articles — especially in terms of developing more emotional intelligence as a leader.
But the truth is, few of us can truly say we practice it.
"As a culture, we treat listening as an automatic process about which there is not a lot to say: in the same category as digestion, or blinking," writes British nonfiction author M M Owen for Aeon.
He's not wrong when he argues that "This neglect is a shame. Listening well, it took me too long to discover, is a sort of magic trick: both parties soften, blossom, they are less alone."
As someone who grew up overseas, I can say without a doubt that many customs and beliefs aren't universal. The way we relate to one another differs dramatically from culture to culture — even between countries.
But listening, really listening, it's the one thing that unites us all. I've learned this as an entrepreneur with nearly decades of running my own tech business.
I've held meetings with business people from all walks of life — many of whom don't share my cultural experiences or values necessarily. And what I've learned is this: Giving your full attention communicates far more respect and thoughtfulness than sharing your continuous stream of opinions and diverse viewpoints.
Related: How to Prove You're Actively Listening While Video Conferencing
The art of active listening
According to Owen's research, one of the 20th century's most eminent psychologists, Carl Rogers, coined the term "active listening" as an essential ingredient to our day-to-day interactions.
"What Rogers learnt," writes Owen, "was that listening well — which necessarily involves conversing well and questioning well — is one of the most accessible and most powerful forms of connection we have."
So why is it so hard?
In my humble opinion, we're a byproduct of our society, which values offering our own opinions, critiques and unsolicited advice over actually hearing out someone to understand them better.
I know that as a younger man, I often fell into this trap myself — especially when I first founded my startup, Jotform, 16 years ago.
There's a saying that entrepreneurs love the sound of their own voice, and it would be hypocritical of me to disagree, as I once fell into this category myself. But I'm under the belief that we can not only change — but it's also our responsibility as leaders and role models to show our teams and colleagues a new way of doing things.
Actively listening is what helps us connect — far more than offering some monologue about solutions or the state of the industry.
This art can be summed up in the following: letting go of egotism.
I've had my fair share of missteps over the years, but I'd like to offer the three following pitfalls to avoid if you're truly looking to connect with others.
Poor listening makes people think you don't care
I once had a supervisor who wouldn't make eye contact with me during performance reviews. He'd read notes off a file nearly the entire time, without so much as lifting his head. Sometimes I doubted if he even knew my name. It was an awful feeling, to say the least.
And so instead of offering any new insights or fresh perspectives, I kept my opinions to myself, even if they would have been helpful — there just wasn't any initiative for me to do otherwise.
By the time I had my own company, Jotform, I had an example of the opposite of what I wanted to do.
More than anything, I wanted to build trust — and the only way to do that was by showing genuine respect and care to my employees. I've had many colleagues in the business world question my style of leadership. "Active listening?" they scoff. As if it were some buzzword that they didn't necessarily have to put into practice.
"You need to show them who's boss," peers would often say. I must have heard this refrain 100 times over the years. And yet now, it's in every article you read: Active listening is that vital ingredient to your company's success.
But I'm not interested in following the status quo. I'm interested in building a creative, thriving culture where people are valued. Why else would I become an entrepreneur? Building a company and a product is one thing, but creating an environment of trust with people you value — that's something you earn as a leader.
Related: 6 Strategies for Being a Better, Active Listener
Don't distract: Be fully present
I'd like to share an earlier misstep as an example of what not to do. One of the biggest mistakes I made when building my startup was listening with the intent of offering solutions. Whenever a team member would come to me, I was merely waiting for my chance to offer advice. That's what I thought strong, confident leaders did. I didn't factor in humility as part of the equation.
It took me years to fully comprehend what Owen advised. "Good listening is complex, subtle, slippery — but it is also right here, it lives in us, and we can work on it every day."
Active listening as a leader isn't something we simply understand by heart. It often requires us to dig deep, leave our ego behind and be fully present — meaning we should place every ounce of attention on the speaker rather than our own thoughts.
Remember: Active Listening opens room for growth
American psychiatrist Karl A. Menninger, once said "Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."
You'd be surprised by the innovation that can happen once you incorporate active listening in your leadership style. People feel allowed to be their authentic selves. They grow exponentially and thereby create a domino effect that influences your entire company.
All it takes is an ear willing to listen, and a heart that cares more about the person than the status quo.
Related: Why Active Listening Is a Critical Skill for Founders and Entrepreneurs
